Cast: (voiced by) Benedict Cumberbatch, Rashida Jones, Keenan Thompson, Cameron Seely, Pharrell Williams, Angela Lansbury
Directors: Scott Mosier, Yarrow Cheney
Writers: Michael LeSieur, Tommy Swerdlow
The films by Pixar and Dreamworks, I like them a lot; but those of Illumination, I really do not. I hated The Grinch! I thought it great treason against Suess’ beloved ode to the Christmas season. Perhaps my head isn’t screwed on quite right or perhaps my standards are too rigid and tight but having sat through it, enduring it all, I feel all the more strongly that the film’s value is small. “We already have a Grinch film”, I snarled with a sneer, “by Karloff and Jones and it remains without peer”. This film is garish, unfunny and brain-numbing, it was everything that I had feared in the days upcoming. There is one redeeming feature, one saving grace, which is that Seuss’ creation is too great to be defaced. At the end of the day the message still comes through and the studio’s tedious releases are all set to continue.
The story is a classic, we all know it well; it’s about the mean Mr. Grinch, rotten in every cell. That actor who played Sherlock and Strange is the star despite his American accent sounding like Gruber’s in Die Hard. In a mountaintop cave he lives far, far away from those who should dare to try and brighten his day. He hates everyone and everything with gall, and as for Christmas, he hates that most of all. He hates the food, the decorations and toys and he absolutely detests the incessantly cheerful noise. It comes every year and it keeps getting worse, to the Grinch this wonderful time is nothing but a curse. So, as the Whos of Whoville makes their preparations and whatnot, the Grinch has an idea and hatches a fiendish plot. If the Whos will not stop with their goodwill and mayhem, then he’ll have to go into town and steal Christmas from them.
That’s the whole story and it took half an hour for Karloff and Jones to tell it with such wit and power. From where I stand a remake is just unnecessary (and don’t even get me started on the one with Jim Carrey). But this is a feature-length movie with a quota to meet, so it has to be longer and get more kids in the seats. Thus they pad the runtime with backstory and gags, but they don’t add anything except as tiresome lags. There’s also a sub-plot about Cindy-Lou Who whose mom has more on her plate than she knows what to do. She works a full-time job and cares for three kids by herself, so Cindy-Lou wants to capture Santa and ask for his help. The result is a movie that’s overlong and dull without a funny joke in sight or a new idea in its skull.
When it comes to kid’s movies, Illumination sets the bar low and aims mainly for toddlers whose parents have nowhere else to go. The colours are bright and the movement is fluid, but if you’re above a certain age you’ll see there’s little else to it. The jokes are all lame and made of the thinnest veneer, including those of the screaming goat and of the big, plump reindeer. The movie introduces both as if they’ll have major parts to play, but all they do is appear, perform their bits, then go away. The rest of the humour is made up of slapstick galore, and it certainly doesn’t help that the Grinch himself is a bore. Cumberbatch’s grump is a jerk but seldom is he nasty and there’s little pleasure in watching him be villainous and crafty. Instead of a monster destroying happiness where he sees it, all the Grinch wants is curl up quietly with a good book and read it. Gone is that entertainingly malevolent brute, but still I have to admit that his dog Max is quite cute.
While the cartoon had that song by Thurl Ravenscroft, a witty, animated tune still heard around Christmas oft, this movie opens with a droning rap by Tyler the Creator that contrasts with the energetic backdrop made by the animator. It’s pretty typical for a film that is so clearly calculated to make a profit today for a product that’ll soon be dated. This isn’t a movie that kids will return to again and again; this is simply the next car in Illumination’s money train. It has enough going on to keep little kids distracted and the moral is still there so at least it’s somewhat didactic. The Christmas Eve heist has a couple of highlights, what with all those gizmos and gadgets the Grinch uses that night. As cynical cashgrabs go, this one isn’t the worst even if its take on Seuss’ story has nothing on the first. Still it’s shallow, unwitty and lazy and, in my humble opinion, kids today deserve better than this from the studio that made Minions.